Episode 33…That’s a wrap or maybe a Season?

Just 19 more…

But it just ain’t gonna happen.

No more new episodes for now.

I have decided to finish out the year with reruns of previous episodes.

Maybe we’ll just call that season one. For now.

It’s no one particular thing. Just a mash up of a lot of little things. Sometimes life and technical stuff just are not made to go together.

The additional responsibilities of my new job.

Increased responsibilities at church.

The focus of building my ministry.

Not being able to find convenient times to talk.

Rushing to always get this thing out on time.

In a way it got to be very much like a business.

Sometimes things just have to go away.

What is nice is that the recordings will be there for our girls. I know they don’t really care now. One day they will.

There is sadness. A sense of failure. Some relief.

The next months will be a time to refocus. Reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Where we truly able to help anyone? Why? Why not?

And to answer the hardest question, did Liz or I benefit from it? If so, how? How can we put more of that into our everyday relationship?

Finally, a big thank you to all these who have listened to the journey and lived the ups and downs with us.

I pray that somehow, somewhere, someone got something from this and was able to use something that pushed their relationship forward.

God Bless.

 

Photo by Kristian Seedorff on Unsplash

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

Best Friends?!?!…

What is a best friend anyway?  I have never really sat down and tried to tie any real concrete things to one. I had a best friend once. In middle school. That probably was one of two times in my life that I truly talked to someone about anything.

Nothing seemed to be off limits…

If we were doing something, we were doing it together come hell or high water. But it was only for a season.

Is it even possible to have one best friend your whole life? Or do you just get different ones in different seasons.

The thing I wonder most about..

Is it possible for men and women to be best friends?

Honestly, I am still not sure. You see, I get this picture in my head about best friends sitting in front of the television with the pizza box sitting in their undies. One farts. Then the other tries to one up the other one. And around and around it goes until one concedes that the other has the “winning” fart.

I hate conversations like these because I try to put logic behind such seemingly illogical concept. There is nothing concrete about one’s perception of a “best” friend.

That is the one thing I loved about sports and lifting weights. The Numbers. The higher the numbers the better things were. Excluding golf of course.

Sports is tangible.

You can see it.

Feel it.

Smell it.

Hear it.

The numbers won’t lie. You may not like what you see but the numbers reveal something about you as a person. It’s simply quantifiable.

True Friendship on the other hand is not.

It’s just a mess of random emotions about how good or wanted you feel. Then if you live with someone, and in the case of men and woman, have sex it just complicates things even more.

So, I tired of thinking about this and being to much in my own head about it.

I am going to stop digging now.

“Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Episode 24…The Breakthrough?! Part 1

Is it just me…

Or does our whole existence seem like one gigantic search? Or 1,000 puzzle pieces and no idea of what the big picture is of what it is we are trying to put together?

We either wait…

Or look for the breakthrough that will change everything.

But when you think it arrives, how can you really tell? Will it be the thing you need to lead to true and lasting transformation? Is this going to be another in a series of letdowns?

This is the first episode in at least a two part series that re-lives a great couples weekend event that felt like a breakthrough for some involved. Myself included.

Over the next few episodes we will journey deeper into the five stones of marriage. Liz and I are trying to find the things that lead to better communication and a greater intimacy.

The connecting is difficult…

At least for me anyway and I feel like it is difficult for most men in general. Men are not only action takers but we are simple. Connecting on deep emotional level is hard because it is not tangible.

You don’t see it. Touch it. Smell it. At least not the way my wife seems to crave it. Sure, there is sex. And a lot of men feel connected through that medium.

But how do we bridge the Gap? That space that exists between the expectations and reality. How can we make it easier for men and women to just be.

We will be exploring that over the next few weeks.

Photo by Jilbert Ebrahimi on Unsplash

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Episode 23…Messy but how to clean it Up?

So, I will put this out there first. I never said communication wasn’t important. And never pointed any fingers.

All I Was saying…

Is to maybe look at what barriers are affecting the level of communication.

People, therapists, the “GURU’s” say all you gotta do is talk and things will somehow magically get better.

Communicate…

Those therapists and “GURU’s use it as a buzzword to avoid the laziness that comes with thinking deeper about an issue.

I talk to people all day long. Doesn’t mean it is effective or accomplishes anything really.

Like I’m famous for saying, “Without intention, nothing specific Happens.” What is it you want to happen?

Never heard therapists and “GURU’s” ask that either. Is there really a reason to talk, just to talk?

I even have to be a lot more intentional with what I want to accomplish when having conversation or communicating.

And, just to reiterate last week, what I apparently failed to get across is that before anyone can communicate effectively and deeply enough for transformation and deep bonding safety has to be first and foremost.

I can talk to anyone until I am blue in the face and unless it is intentional and received in safe environment then all the oratory skills Socrates could muster would be met with ill will.

And I am sure most of you probably know that Socrates had to drink poison because he was trying to communicate in a not so safe environment.

Understand this…

Communication is important and much more effective when transpiring in a safe environment backed with the intentionality of accomplishing an outcome.

Otherwise you may just be talking to hear yourself talk. By the way it is messy. And a lot of times happens organically. Begin with an outcome but don’t be derailed by visiting a few other stops along the way.

Thank you for understanding the episode in all it’s messy glory. It’s real. It’s life.

That is the way I like it. Unscripted and raw. Until next week.

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

 

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Episode 21…To Every Purpose…

What exactly is the point of it all? The purpose?

To communicate?

To conversate?

Why did language develop and why does it continue to do so? Does it actually make things easier?

I think I have more grace with someone who doesn’t speak my language because I know deep down there is some serious barriers to communication. So, that makes me more patient and understanding.

But, it is there I suppose. I am guessing we all use it for a different purpose.

Some just communicate to get what they want when they want it. Think about a crying baby.

Others truly want to understand a process because it will be worth their time to do so. Maybe think of a doctor.

Others may do it because they want to understand another human being. Maybe think a dating couple.

But, how much information is enough?

Will there ever be a point where two people can effectively quit conversing? Wouldn’t you eventually learn everything there is to know, or you want to know, about another person? Is there a natural point where talking declines? Maybe stops?

Especially when the mundane of routine kicks in.

“What did you do today”?

“Well, I went to work. My boss yelled at me. Customers yelled at me. My co-worker yelled at me. Now I’m home and ready for dinner and bed.”

“That’s great hon. Sounds just like yesterday.”

One of my favorite song lyrics was, “I believe I can see the future because I repeat the same routine.”

I imagine that is what talking is like after you get past the decade mark.

I mean you have seen them. That couple that sits in the restaurant awkwardly looking around so they avoid any eye contact, hoping not to spawn conversation. And when it finally does happen it seems to center around the new decor since you were last at that particular restaurant.

Then you ask, “How’s the meal?” As if you really expect that to kick off anything different in the conversation than the previous 42 times your spouse had the same thing.

So, I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me. Of course, I have never been one for words. I just trust what the Bible says about men of few words. We are the wisest.

Because one thing I have figured out. The less I talk, the less trouble I seem to get myself into.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

Episode 18: Potpourri…Part 1

Yes, it is all over the place. Liz had no idea what I meant by potpourri. But I totally had the whole Jeopardy thing going on. To say that tonight was hard would be an understatement.

Before we even got rolling with the recording we talked for about 45 minutes on what we were going to talk about. It is the oddest thing considering it’s unscripted and we are are not supposed to really know what we are going to talk about. I guess I have done a poor job with really getting my wife to understand how this whole thing really works.

And the conversation really did go all over the place.

Celebrations.
Cats.
Grace.
Mercy.
Success.
Showing up.
Having made it.

And even our own sappy movie ending 18 years ago that got us where we are today. So much to embrace that this thing became a two parter.

And I actually like it that way. So many of these things are starting to come down to the wire and feeling rushed to get these things out. But I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way. Would be too boring I guess.

So…sit back and enjoy the two part potpourri.

Photo by heber galindo on Unsplash

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

What to talk about…..when there is nothing to talk About.

Is it even possible to run out of stuff to talk about? I will be completely honest, I have never been a big talker. I really don’t mind listening. It is entirely possible that my wife wishes I would talk more. Didn’t help that my role models were less than inquisitive. Could talk sure. My dad and sister has never met a stranger. But it is always that superficial stuff. You know, weather. The Friday night football game. How’s school going?

Maybe it was because my dad was really a simple man. Just like the song. Be a simple kind of man. Never heard him talk life philosophy. Of course for the longest time sports was, and still is, his life.

He worked hard. Didn’t play all that much. Although he can still tell me about all those times he would get home after midnight from the softball tournaments. How he would sleep about four hours and then get and go to work.

I would say I have missed a lot about my family. Especially the ones that have departed this temporary existence. We all have things we wish we could change. That would be one.

That I talked more.
Sought more.
Inquired more.
Told my feelings more.

But I really didn’t think anyone cared to know or even be bothered by little old me. After all, what could I really bring to the table? Most of the time I ask people how they are doing because I thought it was the nice thing to do. And it helped alleviate the awkwardness of passing by someone and just looking at them. We really couldn’t come up with a better greeting?

Actually the better question is, “Why do we converse to begin with?” Why do some do it better than others? Why do some want to do it at all?

What is the main objective? What is the real need behind conversation? After we talk enough to have our basic needs met, isn’t the rest just excess?

Are people talking just to hear themselves? Do they like the sound of their voice? Most of the time I feel I talk just enough to get through life.

The avoidance comes, because if people talk long enough, eventually they will have no choice but to start telling the truth. And the way I have it figured out, if people knew the truth they might not like me very much.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

“Without Intention, Nothing Specific Happens.”

So the the question again becomes, “What can you do in fifteen minutes?” If your intentional and extremely focused I would say a lot. Unless of course your trying to recreate the pyramids or something and then you may not get very far. In fifteen minutes I could:

Upload this podcast.

Get in a short workout.

I can talk to my wife.

I could do much funner things with my wife instead of talk in that fifteen minutes.

I can order groceries online.

I can play a game of checkers with my kids.

I could take a walk.

I could read the word of GOD.

Take a moment to text a friend and brighten their day.

Write everyday and in a year I might have a book.

Listen to a portion of a podcast.

Meditate.

Ride around the neighborhood with my kids on the bikes.

I don’t think there is any shortage of things that can be accomplished in fifteen minutes. It’s all about the quality over quantity. If your intention is to truly get to know someone better what good does it do to sit in silence for an hour. Putting a time on it makes you get it done. Don’t just linger in a space for an hour without any focus.

I started this podcast with the sole intention of getting to know my wife better. All the episodes combined we have accumulated a little over three hours of talk time. I have no doubt those three hours have been way more beneficial in getting to know her than just 3 weeks of “hanging out.” Intention equals precision. What are you going to do with fifteen minutes?

The One That Almost Wasn’t!

I am just glad this one got out. The technical difficulties alone were enough to nearly derail this one. We actually had to record this episode a second time because my media card decided it wanted to be corrupted and lose all the recordings on it.

But prior to that the devil was hard at work. I actually nearly recorded this one by myself because of an argument that my wife and I were having. I went into a seperate room, started recording and she shows up wanting to know what I was doing. The interesting thing is this is actually the second time something like this has happened. A few weeks ago I even contemplated a new direction with the podcast. One that did not include my wife because it seems amazingly difficult to just sit and talk for ten minutes. I suppose I could call it “Conversations I wish I were having with my Wife.”

I just have to take this on faith that this is a good thing. The devil is working because he knows what I am trying to accomplish with this. That I am onto something really great and genuine and of course he wants to see this fail. But in typical Elizabeth fashion she saved the day. And was gracious enough to do it a second time to beat all.

Now onto the episode itself. This past Saturday was our first big believing couples event. I think a great time was had by all. We are in the planning stages of the next one and am really excited to begin our monthly meetings. Yay for the couples. God Bless.

Episode 13! Let People Know!

Excellent conversation this one. One of the many reasons I adore my wife. Insight beyond measure. Others constantly on her mind. You will probably notice that she does most of the talking in this one, which is awesome. Otherwise, I may have to name this show conversations with myself. Nobody wants that.

And amazing points tonight. She is right. People often do not know. Perhaps we are to afraid to tell them. Our pride? Our ego? Maybe we just make too many assumptions. If we just smile right or simply say thank you. People in your life have to know they matter. It could be the only reason some people come back around. We take too much for granted because we think we are doing enough. Maybe that is the exact point we need to be doing more. If we really have to stop and ask ourselves is what I have done enough? Then maybe the answer is no.

I guess that old saying is true, “better late than never.” At least I hope it is. Because I am coming to this game kind of late it seems. The previous twenty years seems a bit of a waste in many regards. I thought I had purpose. Turns out I didn’t. I thought I was making an impact. Turns out, I wasn’t. I thought that the status quo was all God had in store for me. Turns out, it isn’t. Not by a long shot.

I don’t know what it will take to make the greatest impact on the greatest number of people. I am doing my best to start at home. I have been pondering the question more, “Is to fail at home mean you fail everywhere?” At least I know the impact has to start at home.

But we should take a moment for others. Let them know today if they have impacted you and how. Just like Liz said, the people are the church. And it truly would be different if those people were not there.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/