What does progress look like? When it is something tangible, it’s easy. A house being built. A cake being baked. A book getting written. A car rolling off the assembly line. But what if it can’t be touched? Or seen? Or smelled? Or tasted? How do you really know you are growing more intimate with God or your spouse? At what moment do you wake up and can say, “Babe, I love you 100 percent more that yesterday,” and the other person actually knows what you mean. Once you feel like you have reached a goal in your relationship, is it impossible to back track? What assurances do I have that my wife won’t walk out the door tomorrow? Because unlike God, people can change. For better or for worse. These kinds of questions is what we have to grapple with on a daily basis. The whole reason for our churches marriage ministry is to try and figure this whole thing out. Sure, God gave us an instruction manual. But it too can seem a bit overwhelming. The only thing I have figured out so far is that this institution of marriage was intended to be a direct reflection of our relationship to him. We have to take God on Faith. We don’t see him, touch him, smell him like we do our spouse. If we learn to perfectly love a sinner then imagine how much easier it will be to love our most wonderful God.
I guess it’s always about more than the dishes. I thought it was a very strange thing to read. Woman leaves husband because there are dishes in the sink. There has got to be more to this story. I can understand that women want men to take initiative but you have to give us idiots a fighting chance. The funny thing about a man sometimes, if it doesn’t bother us we pay less attention. I could probably eat off the same plate for a week. So, I think sometimes, it is good for our wife to tell us they need something done. I’m curious why the wife just wouldn’t at least tell her husband once that every day he gets home he needs to do the dishes. Then if he ignores you I get it. I promise you ladies, your man will take initiative when it is something they truly want. I know it would be cool if couples were so close they could read each other’s thoughts, finish each other’s sentences, yada, yada. On many levels men are just not that in tune. We are as much leader as we are follower. Sometimes we have to be told sometimes we don’t. But, I know this whole dishes thing was really something more indicative of a larger problem that seemed to be left untreated. It is difficult a lot of times to speak up. Should I say something, should I let it go? Am I just going to rock the apple cart here? My experience has been these little issues arise because of unmet needs in another area of our lives. So, the moral of the story is to forget about the dishes and figure out what it is you are really missing and talk about that.
So, first for the picture. That was us 8 years ago. I posted that because this episode takes us back to that year when we first got back together. Our wonderful, mutual friend Donna told us, not once but twice, that we were meant to be together. And, damn if she didn’t make it happen. Now, this family is the most wonderful and amazing thing. And that was the spark for this episode. The doctor told me in plain English that I would never have kids through the normal act of sex. And of course you can depend on moms to hold out hope beyond anyone else. The words still ring in my ear as I sat in her office, “You just haven’t met the right one yet.” Sure mom. Where did you get your medical degree?
It gets hard. It gets ugly. It gets messy. After this episode I even had a long debate with myself about whether or not to even continue the podcast. At least in its current form. Out of just a mere 10 episodes (weeks) I think this podcast has caused more disagreement and contention between the two of us than I really care to admit or even dreamed we would have. The whole point of this was to be intentional and bring a deeper intimacy. It can be difficult when the other person doesn’t see your vision. The person that is supposed to stand in your corner and shout, “Hell yeah, we are doing this!”
I think she is on board, but she is not “ON BOARD”. She told me she doesn’t even listen to the podcasts because she is there and knows what she said. So, what really is the point of listening? Fair enough. I guess I never really thought to ask if she even reads my posts because it is one of those things that I would just assume she would want to do. Does she even like or share my posts? I’ll find out soon enough. But, then again, my expectations could be out of line with the reality of it. I suppose the irony of it all is that my whole business revolves around the institution of marriage and convincing the God fearing men how important that relationship really is and I am still wondering what it is going to take to really launch my marriage to the highest level possible.
What would that even feel like? How will I know I am there? What will that do for me? For her? Our children?
I know it won’t work until all the layers are peeled back. I can hear it when she talks to me. The hesitancy. The, “Oh my God, I don’t want to say anything wrong. What would people think.” I feel as though I have been wearing to many masks for way to long. I am different with my parents than when I am at home than when I am at school or when I am in the general public. And my God is it exhausting.
This woman is beautiful. Inside and out. She is my world. My heart beat. 2nd only to God. I think I failed to pursue her 18 years ago because God not only knew I was not ready but he knew at the time how unworthy I was to be in her presence. Her beautiful presence. God has truly given me a gift.