Episode 23…Messy but how to clean it Up?

So, I will put this out there first. I never said communication wasn’t important. And never pointed any fingers.

All I Was saying…

Is to maybe look at what barriers are affecting the level of communication.

People, therapists, the “GURU’s” say all you gotta do is talk and things will somehow magically get better.

Communicate…

Those therapists and “GURU’s use it as a buzzword to avoid the laziness that comes with thinking deeper about an issue.

I talk to people all day long. Doesn’t mean it is effective or accomplishes anything really.

Like I’m famous for saying, “Without intention, nothing specific Happens.” What is it you want to happen?

Never heard therapists and “GURU’s” ask that either. Is there really a reason to talk, just to talk?

I even have to be a lot more intentional with what I want to accomplish when having conversation or communicating.

And, just to reiterate last week, what I apparently failed to get across is that before anyone can communicate effectively and deeply enough for transformation and deep bonding safety has to be first and foremost.

I can talk to anyone until I am blue in the face and unless it is intentional and received in safe environment then all the oratory skills Socrates could muster would be met with ill will.

And I am sure most of you probably know that Socrates had to drink poison because he was trying to communicate in a not so safe environment.

Understand this…

Communication is important and much more effective when transpiring in a safe environment backed with the intentionality of accomplishing an outcome.

Otherwise you may just be talking to hear yourself talk. By the way it is messy. And a lot of times happens organically. Begin with an outcome but don’t be derailed by visiting a few other stops along the way.

Thank you for understanding the episode in all it’s messy glory. It’s real. It’s life.

That is the way I like it. Unscripted and raw. Until next week.

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

 

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Episode 21…To Every Purpose…

What exactly is the point of it all? The purpose?

To communicate?

To conversate?

Why did language develop and why does it continue to do so? Does it actually make things easier?

I think I have more grace with someone who doesn’t speak my language because I know deep down there is some serious barriers to communication. So, that makes me more patient and understanding.

But, it is there I suppose. I am guessing we all use it for a different purpose.

Some just communicate to get what they want when they want it. Think about a crying baby.

Others truly want to understand a process because it will be worth their time to do so. Maybe think of a doctor.

Others may do it because they want to understand another human being. Maybe think a dating couple.

But, how much information is enough?

Will there ever be a point where two people can effectively quit conversing? Wouldn’t you eventually learn everything there is to know, or you want to know, about another person? Is there a natural point where talking declines? Maybe stops?

Especially when the mundane of routine kicks in.

“What did you do today”?

“Well, I went to work. My boss yelled at me. Customers yelled at me. My co-worker yelled at me. Now I’m home and ready for dinner and bed.”

“That’s great hon. Sounds just like yesterday.”

One of my favorite song lyrics was, “I believe I can see the future because I repeat the same routine.”

I imagine that is what talking is like after you get past the decade mark.

I mean you have seen them. That couple that sits in the restaurant awkwardly looking around so they avoid any eye contact, hoping not to spawn conversation. And when it finally does happen it seems to center around the new decor since you were last at that particular restaurant.

Then you ask, “How’s the meal?” As if you really expect that to kick off anything different in the conversation than the previous 42 times your spouse had the same thing.

So, I don’t know. Maybe you can tell me. Of course, I have never been one for words. I just trust what the Bible says about men of few words. We are the wisest.

Because one thing I have figured out. The less I talk, the less trouble I seem to get myself into.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com)
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

What to talk about…..when there is nothing to talk About.

Is it even possible to run out of stuff to talk about? I will be completely honest, I have never been a big talker. I really don’t mind listening. It is entirely possible that my wife wishes I would talk more. Didn’t help that my role models were less than inquisitive. Could talk sure. My dad and sister has never met a stranger. But it is always that superficial stuff. You know, weather. The Friday night football game. How’s school going?

Maybe it was because my dad was really a simple man. Just like the song. Be a simple kind of man. Never heard him talk life philosophy. Of course for the longest time sports was, and still is, his life.

He worked hard. Didn’t play all that much. Although he can still tell me about all those times he would get home after midnight from the softball tournaments. How he would sleep about four hours and then get and go to work.

I would say I have missed a lot about my family. Especially the ones that have departed this temporary existence. We all have things we wish we could change. That would be one.

That I talked more.
Sought more.
Inquired more.
Told my feelings more.

But I really didn’t think anyone cared to know or even be bothered by little old me. After all, what could I really bring to the table? Most of the time I ask people how they are doing because I thought it was the nice thing to do. And it helped alleviate the awkwardness of passing by someone and just looking at them. We really couldn’t come up with a better greeting?

Actually the better question is, “Why do we converse to begin with?” Why do some do it better than others? Why do some want to do it at all?

What is the main objective? What is the real need behind conversation? After we talk enough to have our basic needs met, isn’t the rest just excess?

Are people talking just to hear themselves? Do they like the sound of their voice? Most of the time I feel I talk just enough to get through life.

The avoidance comes, because if people talk long enough, eventually they will have no choice but to start telling the truth. And the way I have it figured out, if people knew the truth they might not like me very much.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/