What to talk about…..when there is nothing to talk About.

Is it even possible to run out of stuff to talk about? I will be completely honest, I have never been a big talker. I really don’t mind listening. It is entirely possible that my wife wishes I would talk more. Didn’t help that my role models were less than inquisitive. Could talk sure. My dad and sister has never met a stranger. But it is always that superficial stuff. You know, weather. The Friday night football game. How’s school going?

Maybe it was because my dad was really a simple man. Just like the song. Be a simple kind of man. Never heard him talk life philosophy. Of course for the longest time sports was, and still is, his life.

He worked hard. Didn’t play all that much. Although he can still tell me about all those times he would get home after midnight from the softball tournaments. How he would sleep about four hours and then get and go to work.

I would say I have missed a lot about my family. Especially the ones that have departed this temporary existence. We all have things we wish we could change. That would be one.

That I talked more.
Sought more.
Inquired more.
Told my feelings more.

But I really didn’t think anyone cared to know or even be bothered by little old me. After all, what could I really bring to the table? Most of the time I ask people how they are doing because I thought it was the nice thing to do. And it helped alleviate the awkwardness of passing by someone and just looking at them. We really couldn’t come up with a better greeting?

Actually the better question is, “Why do we converse to begin with?” Why do some do it better than others? Why do some want to do it at all?

What is the main objective? What is the real need behind conversation? After we talk enough to have our basic needs met, isn’t the rest just excess?

Are people talking just to hear themselves? Do they like the sound of their voice? Most of the time I feel I talk just enough to get through life.

The avoidance comes, because if people talk long enough, eventually they will have no choice but to start telling the truth. And the way I have it figured out, if people knew the truth they might not like me very much.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

Episode 16: Success….or Thoughts Thereof?

When do we really know if we are successful? I suppose some on the outside looking in might actually mistake me for successful.

I’ve got the house. The wife. The kids. Running cars, water, and electricity. 2 Master’s degrees and about to finish my sixth year as a teacher. Whether or not I am successful as a teacher is a whole other podcast entirely.

If I really wanted to I could have even went out to eat tonight. So, for people in my position, and with something as intangible as success is, what makes people feel like a success?

My wife talked about things being meaningful and impactful. I thought my work as a teacher were both of those. But most days I don’t really know. I said that was another topic. But isn’t that what most of us think of? High up on that career ladder with lots of money in the bank?

I read an article one time about the seeming fallacy of succeeding. I know I am not going to get this right. But from what I can remember it was like the more success you have, the more success you want and after awhile most successes don’t seem big enough to satisfy anymore.

You keep reaching what you think is the end goal but there is always something else waiting. There truly is no goal line. What do you Do?

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

“Without Intention, Nothing Specific Happens.”

So the the question again becomes, “What can you do in fifteen minutes?” If your intentional and extremely focused I would say a lot. Unless of course your trying to recreate the pyramids or something and then you may not get very far. In fifteen minutes I could:

Upload this podcast.

Get in a short workout.

I can talk to my wife.

I could do much funner things with my wife instead of talk in that fifteen minutes.

I can order groceries online.

I can play a game of checkers with my kids.

I could take a walk.

I could read the word of GOD.

Take a moment to text a friend and brighten their day.

Write everyday and in a year I might have a book.

Listen to a portion of a podcast.

Meditate.

Ride around the neighborhood with my kids on the bikes.

I don’t think there is any shortage of things that can be accomplished in fifteen minutes. It’s all about the quality over quantity. If your intention is to truly get to know someone better what good does it do to sit in silence for an hour. Putting a time on it makes you get it done. Don’t just linger in a space for an hour without any focus.

I started this podcast with the sole intention of getting to know my wife better. All the episodes combined we have accumulated a little over three hours of talk time. I have no doubt those three hours have been way more beneficial in getting to know her than just 3 weeks of “hanging out.” Intention equals precision. What are you going to do with fifteen minutes?

Moving Forward!

What does progress look like? When it is something tangible, it’s easy. A house being built. A cake being baked. A book getting written. A car rolling off the assembly line. But what if it can’t be touched? Or seen? Or smelled? Or tasted? How do you really know you are growing more intimate with God or your spouse? At what moment do you wake up and can say, “Babe, I love you 100 percent more that yesterday,” and the other person actually knows what you mean. Once you feel like you have reached a goal in your relationship, is it impossible to back track? What assurances do I have that my wife won’t walk out the door tomorrow? Because unlike God, people can change. For better or for worse. These kinds of questions is what we have to grapple with on a daily basis. The whole reason for our churches marriage ministry is to try and figure this whole thing out. Sure, God gave us an instruction manual. But it too can seem a bit overwhelming. The only thing I have figured out so far is that this institution of marriage was intended to be a direct reflection of our relationship to him. We have to take God on Faith. We don’t see him, touch him, smell him like we do our spouse. If we learn to perfectly love a sinner then imagine how much easier it will be to love our most wonderful God.

It’s about more than the Dishes?

I guess it’s always about more than the dishes. I thought it was a very strange thing to read. Woman leaves husband because there are dishes in the sink. There has got to be more to this story. I can understand that women want men to take initiative but you have to give us idiots a fighting chance. The funny thing about a man sometimes, if it doesn’t bother us we pay less attention. I could probably eat off the same plate for a week. So, I think sometimes, it is good for our wife to tell us they need something done. I’m curious why the wife just wouldn’t at least tell her husband once that every day he gets home he needs to do the dishes. Then if he ignores you I get it. I promise you ladies, your man will take initiative when it is something they truly want. I know it would be cool if couples were so close they could read each other’s thoughts, finish each other’s sentences, yada, yada. On many levels men are just not that in tune. We are as much leader as we are follower. Sometimes we have to be told sometimes we don’t. But, I know this whole dishes thing was really something more indicative of a larger problem that seemed to be left untreated. It is difficult a lot of times to speak up. Should I say something, should I let it go? Am I just going to rock the apple cart here? My experience has been these little issues arise because of unmet needs in another area of our lives. So, the moral of the story is to forget about the dishes and figure out what it is you are really missing and talk about that.

Music: Cullah – “Riverse” on “Cullah The Wild” (http://www.cullah.com
Under license (CC BY SA 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

All things Scared….and a Beautiful Presence

So, first for the picture. That was us 8 years ago. I posted that because this episode takes us back to that year when we first got back together. Our wonderful, mutual friend Donna told us, not once but twice, that we were meant to be together. And, damn if she didn’t make it happen. Now, this family is the most wonderful and amazing thing. And that was the spark for this episode. The doctor told me in plain English that I would never have kids through the normal act of sex. And of course you can depend on moms to hold out hope beyond anyone else. The words still ring in my ear as I sat in her office, “You just haven’t met the right one yet.” Sure mom. Where did you get your medical degree?

It gets hard. It gets ugly. It gets messy. After this episode I even had a long debate with myself about whether or not to even continue the podcast. At least in its current form. Out of just a mere 10 episodes (weeks) I think this podcast has caused more disagreement and contention between the two of us than I really care to admit or even dreamed we would have. The whole point of this was to be intentional and bring a deeper intimacy. It can be difficult when the other person doesn’t see your vision. The person that is supposed to stand in your corner and shout, “Hell yeah, we are doing this!”

I think she is on board, but she is not “ON BOARD”. She told me she doesn’t even listen to the podcasts because she is there and knows what she said. So, what really is the point of listening? Fair enough. I guess I never really thought to ask if she even reads my posts because it is one of those things that I would just assume she would want to do. Does she even like or share my posts? I’ll find out soon enough. But, then again, my expectations could be out of line with the reality of it. I suppose the irony of it all is that my whole business revolves around the institution of marriage and convincing the God fearing men how important that relationship really is and I am still wondering what it is going to take to really launch my marriage to the highest level possible.

What would that even feel like? How will I know I am there? What will that do for me? For her? Our children?

I know it won’t work until all the layers are peeled back. I can hear it when she talks to me. The hesitancy. The, “Oh my God, I don’t want to say anything wrong. What would people think.” I feel as though I have been wearing to many masks for way to long. I am different with my parents than when I am at home than when I am at school or when I am in the general public. And my God is it exhausting.

This woman is beautiful. Inside and out. She is my world. My heart beat. 2nd only to God. I think I failed to pursue her 18 years ago because God not only knew I was not ready but he knew at the time how unworthy I was to be in her presence. Her beautiful presence. God has truly given me a gift.

Episode 5! The Devil comes out Swinging?

This early into the new year and the devil himself has come down to Georgia. He doesn’t come as this red dude in a cape with horns and a pitch fork. It’s doubt, diversion, defeat, discouragement. Even 2nd Corinthians says he comes as light. Those bright, new shiny objects of your heart’s desire. The episodes are getting real and interesting. Just the way I had hoped. Learning more about myself, my wife, and the needs that have to be met in a relationship. Have a great week and God Bless!!

Episode 4! Seek with Purpose!

“Above all else guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Awesome episode coming your way this week. I know, I am perhaps a little biased. But don’t let that stop you. Seek with purpose this week. As my wife says, don’t worry about trying to rehearse it, make it nice or pretty. Put it out there for God. He knows it but wants you to tell him anyway. It doesn’t matter how you get to that point, just get there. Take care and God Bless!

Thank You!

Just sending a quick shout out and thank you to those who said they listened to episode 1 of the podcast. Be sure to tune in next week for episode 2. The first of many to come with my wife. Please be sure to visit conversationswithfamily.com so you can subscribe and keep up on the journey. Also, from here out you can listen on itunes and stitcher as well. Again, thank you. It is going to be a great year. And God Bless!

Getting ready to Launch!!

Hello everyone. Please join me as I launch the first podcast of “Conversations with my Wife.” If everything goes as planned it will launch on Tuesday, January 1st one minute into the new year. What a way to start 2019. I don’t expect you to listen at that time because I am sure you will be ringing in the new year. I hope you will listen. I hope everything goes as planned and you will be able to find it on sites like itunes and stitcher. You should also be able to listen directly from the website. Like, share, comment, let me know what you think. Have a great new year and God Bless!!!